Exhausted

Greetings to all of you. It has been a long time since I last write something here, well what a student life that I have upon me, nearin...


Greetings to all of you. It has been a long time since I last write something here, well what a student life that I have upon me, nearing to the end of the semester. Assignment, projects, tests and programs which all of that made me look like someone who has not been sleeping around for a month, not to mention that I have been neglecting on my self-care these past few weeks. Sure, I have a lot of things to do and prepare as in finals is in due two weeks from now. I don't have that high expectations though I just want to give all my best.

Am I feeling lost and misplaced? Or just tired and exhausted?

These days I have been questioning myself, "why am I feeling like this?", my mind seems to be lost in the ocean of thoughts till I am not aware of how fast time flies by. Want to know something that is commonly weird? It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep I get because I still wake up feeling tired, mentally exhausted and emotionally drained. No amount of coffee can cure it, am not sure how many cups I had consumed. Sugar intake alert.

It’s tiring to repeat the same routine day after day. To know exactly what is going to happen on that day because my world has become unsurprising and predictable. I wake up and go to classes, come back to my room right after class, lying down on the bed scroll through social media or do whatever else I can to distract myself. And then I fall asleep again. 

I have been feeling dull and worn out lately. It’s tiring to keep convincing myself that everything is going to be okay, that things are going to get better. I keep forcing myself to think positive, to raise my expectations, but it’s only a matter of time until the disappointment come to me again.

They said, find something new that might pique my interest but I feel like I want to do nothing, responsibilities and priorities is the ones that I cannot run away from. Strike up a conversation, talk to people might be good but it's tiring, the least thing I would not consider to do at the moment. Feeling like I am going back to square one. 

The thing is that it is tiring to feel this way when I know there is so much I have to look forward to in the future. When I know there is still so much of this world I have not encountered into. Now, I am not sure where I stand at this point of my life. I feel like that I am lost and unsure where to look for direction. I spent too long denying my own feelings and now I feel like an unraveling soul.

Maybe and maybe I just want to feel different, because what I am feeling right now is numb. It sucks to have a feeling like this, knowing the fact that you cannot have control over it, it just come to you at sudden. Maybe I have to radiate my focus on something else right now. Something that makes me feel like it is worth every second and minute to invest my time and energy on that so that I don't have to feel like this at some moment.

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Something to add here, I just realized for goodness sake how long I have been gone from the realm of blogging and it is exactly a month? Need to blame my university life for that but it's the norm that I cannot keep up with writing a post every week, I might need to improve on that. I will be back sooner or later once I am done with my finals. Have a good day.
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Love, Syfka

12 Comments

  1. All da best for your finals. I do feel you. No that's not it. I'm going through the same thing as you are now it's a bit worse than I expected but Alhamdulillah I got the help that I needed and am feeling so much better now. I hope stays for good. I don't want to feel the same thing over and over again. I hope you too will get through it. But yes, we are all just tired and exhausted at the moment. Better days are coming. Keep it up, you'll see it soon. Take care alright.

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    1. Yes I do hope that the rainbow will come after storm, thank you I really appreciate it <3

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  2. hi student UUM
    https://eatmakeread.blogspot.com/

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  3. hello, dear. it's heartbreaking how i had encounter this kind of post quite many just in 3 hours but also an eye opening that it remind me, i'm not alone. you're not alone. i know how it feels. since talking is so tiring, why don't you share it through writing? share it with someone who you really comfortable with and trust. don't keep it all alone. it's poisonous. you'll get through it. i'll get through it too. :')

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    1. Thank you for the advice, I truly appreciate it and thank you for reading! <3

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  4. Welcome back and selamat hari raya!

    It's tiring to repeat the same routine every day which is why I try to at least go somewhere quiet onec a month. It could be your local library, park or just anywhere.

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    1. Hi Rasya!

      Yes it does and I feel that I need to do something about it, maybe stepping out of my comfort zone and getting some fresh air but your suggestions might work for me, thank you! <3

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  5. Hi dear, Selamat Hari Raya to you! Reading your post, I feel you! Been there, done that! But trust me, everything will be fine and okay. Look back and see how far you have go, do not stop but take some rest. When you are tired, you take a break, you don't quit. I know you can from the moment I read you are law student! Law student is tough inside outside! Do this for you own self and your loved ones! I hope Allah ease everything for you dear.

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind words, surviving in the law school itself is a tough ride for me and I often questioning my self-worth but as you said, perhaps I need to take a break by doing something different only then I can re-energize myself, thank you for reading <3

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  6. Please be strong as u always are :)

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